Locked Away Dreams

Two cities, 7840 miles apart,

Two flights to change, three continents to travel,

Two people, one love.

Promised that they wouldn’t let distance ruin what they have,

"I love you", she said,

"I love you too", he said

Spring changed to autumn,

Autumn welcomed winters,

Seasons repeated themselves,

But he changed himself forever.

"I love you", she said,

"I know", he replied.

She confessed, she waited,

He stopped saying it back,

The "forever love" was now belated.

They called it off,

And he blamed the distance,

And those sudden shift in feelings,

Once again,

Words remained words,

Actions were never taken!

JUST 5 Years!

It would have been 6 years this month,

The time,

Those years,

Those anxious nights,

Were all unconditionally worth!

Those who were evident,

The Shiva temple,

Knows the saga in ample

The corners of the classroom,

The playground of the school,

Had seen those searching eyes.

The old banyan tree,

Is evident of those special moments spree.

When no duress could keep them apart,

Nobody saw them

as two separate people,

Nobody ever thought

their highways of life would part.

Evident is,

The window of her room,

and

The cross road behind her home.

The eyes that saw the separation,

The departure to new land across ocean,

Those fights that bought tears,

With whom she had no fear,

The extraordinary mental connection,

Endless care and spellbound reactions.

It would have been 6 years,

But,

Those were just 5 happy years,

JUST,

FIVE happy years.

On behalf of those at the BORDER!

" We are not supposed to pay the bills for the freedom we enjoy, because, the bill has already been paid by those on the border" -Unknown

For the past few months all we can see while flipping through the news channels is the news of Pakistan cease fire attempts, solders being victimized, Pakistani actors being defended by some of our "great citizens".  Political parties doing their best to let down another ones in the name of country's welfare.

Recently a very well known name in Bollywood  favored Pakistani actors. Dear sir, if you really want to honor those costly sofa set that you've put on the sets of your talk show, please someday make a small gesture of calling a soldier's family on your set and ask them what it really feels like to have sent a son/daughter on the border and what it really feels like loosing them forever for people like us who end up favoring Pakistan for our selfish reasons.

Don’t you know Pakistan has already started banning Indian cinema and TV shows, don’t you read everyday news papers where each and everyday our soldiers are dying a brutal death. Just for the sake of those extra 20-30 crores you are promoting Pakistani actors in your own country. Our country have enough of talent for being super hit actors and actresses and fetch you 100s of crores, but nope, you refuse to see that!

While we people are enjoying our lives in the best possible ways, there are a few selfless people who are giving it up for your safety, they don’t know what it feels like to enjoy and party, you probably don’t even know any one of them personally, but still, they are giving up all they have for people like you! 

We sue people for defamation, for murder, for theft, for copyright, we talk about depression, but have you ever thought who the soldiers will sue for all their lives lost, for all the friends, seniors  that they loose in front of their eyes everyday??

Came through these great lines on social media: " We are not supposed to pay the bills for the freedom we enjoy, because, the bill has already been paid by those on the border"! How thoughtful and apt these lines are! I don’t think we have ever seen much of  our directors promoting Nepali actors or actors from Bhutan, Sri Lanka, Myanmar, why is it that they want to increase their bonding just with the Pakistani ones?

If our city gets attacked by the terrorists, we respond n such a concerned way, we call our relatives, friends and all known people to see if they are safe and sound. But what about those daily terrorist attacks at the border? Does anybody call up the soldiers up there everyday to ask if they are fine? Nope! Not even their immediate families get to talk to them on a daily basis and people like Mr. Om Puri says who told them to join the army! Wow! Only if those families and those soldiers knew about people like us residing here and talking shit!

Just for the sake of promoting themselves in the name of Clean India campaign, we see these famous personalities coming on the streets with full securities and power packed media and those brooms in their hands, only if they could clean up their own hearts and mind, Indian streets and roads can be cleaned later on! 

Why is it that we common people, who for them, stand nowhere have to shout our throats out and make you realize what is wrong and what is right. You people think that you're learned, very well educated, so where does you mind go when it comes to talking about sensible things. Why is it that we common people have to remind you of how insensible and rubbish you talk on a world platform! If not much let us give one thing to the soldiers to be proud of, so that when they give up their lives they do not regret that they gave all their life up for people like u!

To The Boy Who Broke My Best Friend's Heart.

Hey, you probably don’t remember me. I'm your 'ex-girlfriend's' best friend.

I wish I could be sweet in here in this open letter and tell you that you were an amazing man, a perfect boy friend, but unfortunately you'll never hear it. I find you HIGHLY INSENSIBLE. You don’t know much about me, but I do know you. I hear all the things you did for her from those extra sugary messages to those romantic dates you took her to. I knew all about you far before meeting you in person. Yes, I also know those things that you've said and that made her cry.

I was not amazed when you told her that it's all over, because I could already sense it oceans away. Need a reason why I already think so? Because I know guys like you. You're just one of those smallest of the small fishes in a  deep ocean that inhabits uncountable like you. Neither were you the first one to this nor will you be the last.

You might be wondering why did I give so much effort to stay with her, when I had a simple option to walk away?

Listen,

It is because I'm not one of your breed, I have the courage to handle her at her worst and I know, she would do the same for me if necessary. She's my best friend, my sister, my therapist.. She's my kind of perfect human! There have been several like you ,but for her, there will always be single ME! I will never leave her side like you did. I was with her in kindergarten and will be with her when she'll be in her 70s and may not even remember my name. I've been with her when she planned to end her life to when she all of a sudden behaved like a 10 year old. 

Unfortunately you fall short to gain my respect. To me all you will ever be is a name and story, that’s all! One fine day when we'll be sitting together at night, with drinks in our hands, your name will come up, followed by a chuckle and those two eyes that probably will cry. I'm sorry but you're not even worth my hatred. You're not even worth seeking revenge. To gain respect in her best friend's eyes, you need to do a lot more than complementing her "hot & sexy". You need to respect her, her dreams, her feelings for you, and her charm inside and out.

One day, she'll stand up for herself. Until then, please try overcoming your FUN times, text ONE girl at a time, because one fine day even you will be sitting miles apart, alone somewhere and remember my best friend as, "the one that I let go".

I wish you heavenly support from the god almighty, may he bless you with some sort of understanding.

Your's truly,

The one who is right-now in your face!

Three Years Of Friendship & Many More To Come..

So, this is not a promotional blog or an advertisement but a toast to the 3 year friendship I share with this insane human since 2013.

Happy Reading Fato! This one's for you!

OK so let me start it this way, widely know as Nishu, but to me nothing more than a fatso, and no less than a best friend either.

Well you need to be really special to be in somebody's blog somebody told me, so now you know how special you  too are, right?  So here comes your birthday gift and the long awaited write up that took me weeks over weeks to come up with all these words. :P

A kind of guy who would drive you crazy to no limits, irritate you to an extend where you would want to punch in his face, but at the same time knows how to fit things right, knows how to make your mood up, knows exactly how to bring back your smile.No doubt he studied in a boys school, but his girls' friend-list never ends, every-time I meet him I get to hear about some other new girl that didn’t even exist the day before, yes, this random this guy is! :P

A kind of guy who is available to take your emotional shit in as late as 2am, and would sing you a song just to make you smile, even when he knows how bad of a singer he is. I actually laughed after it thou (not just smiled) :P One of your best qualities is getting everyone involved whether it's group meets, or any sort of gathering. I don't really remember the first day I met you, because it was never as if it was the first meeting, the comfort level has always been super high, you never let that awkwardness creep in.  

Well, I can't deny admitting how good of a cook resides in him, specially when it comes to pasta, that even drove my PG owner admit it, lol. Can't wait for the next dishes that you're gonna make me taste! 

 I know, you know,  we were no great friends back in the last year, but this year with you has been insane!  From those trips to these evenings, woah! So much to recall dude!

We've fought like siblings, cared like best friends, annoyed each other to an extend where you could easily punch me in my face and me in yours.  Yes, I'm not gonna share your pictures up here, what if somebody black magics you? LOL. Can't afford to loose you, you know! :P

The Fault In Our Stars!

Sometimes, we cant stop over-selves from missing things and people in life.  Times when there is no special reason for that major missing, its just there, all over our mind and the body! Happens with everybody I guess. Some of us end up letting all of it out of our hearts in the shadow of  tears, others take a few shoulders to share their sorrows with. All of us go through this phase in life. After going through both of the above, I finally found a way out of keeping things to myself, not crying over and over and still feeling better.  When ever you feel like drowning in your own thoughts, indulging in so much that  for once all over again, things seem impossible to get out of. WRITE. Pen down everything and anything that comes on your mind. Everybody has their own ways dealing with such situations, and this is how I've come to  deal with it, by WRITING. When it feels like nothing is making sense, no schedules are working, take a walk! Think of how beautifully the nature has maintained itself, and that it is okay to be alone once in a while, not surrounded by the crowd, that probably doesn’t even know what is going inside of you, being among them just because you're afraid of being alone.

Memories are what we make, create and have with us to put it all in our treasure box of life, whether they are good, sad, sour, bad, happy! It is totally okay to loose ourselves in the memories we have once in a while, it is a good thing, I have realized over time.

We smile, we feel sad, we shed tears. But all this is OKAY. It makes us strong. If not much it at-least tell us, our emotions are at work, they re being polished and are not suppressed.

Cry, laugh, smile, but don’t fall off the cliff. Do what ever it takes to float your own boat, but just make sure it doesn’t sink anybody else's!

EVERYTHING HAS A PURPOSE, EVERY MEMORY HAS A PLACE TO FIT IT. EVERY PERSON HAS A QUALITY WORTH LEARNING FROM AND EVERY FALL HAS A RISE TO BACK IT UP!

A letter to God!

Dear God,

First, let me begin by thanking you. Thanking you for those numerous, unlimited times that you made me smile and laugh, times that you made me fall and stand up, thank you for all those time i questioned your existence and you proved your existence even when you need not do it and thank you for all the lessons you made me learn on my way up till here.

We all know nothing in this world happens without your will. I know things never go as I plan, never. It always happens the other way round and with time I've come to deal with it by repeating to myself that 'everything happens for a reason and everything happens for good', but yes I still do make plans, just in case they work out one fine day!

I know there is no  gain in crying or upsetting over things that didn’t work out and I guess that is why not only me but majority of people have made themselves believe that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR GOOD! Because this one line often gives you a positive vibe in the darkest  hours!

When things go wrong, or rather I would say not as per my wants, I blame you, I get angry that you never listen to my prayers, you never answer my calls, but isn't it how humans behavior is supposed to be? Questioning, demanding, getting angry and all those random junk of emotions that comes out when the heart cries!

 They say, you're present everywhere, in each one of us, around each of us. But still, going to your temple/gurudwara/church/mosque, standing in front of you, makes me feel closer to positivity, purity, and happiness. I often stand in front of you with folded hands but nothing in mind to ask you for, because I know that you know what all do I need to be happy, what all do I need to grow.

With these past few months I have realized how aptly you have answered all the questions I've asked you, in such beautiful ways. I get lost, I ask and I receive. May be this was the case from the very beginning but I never paid heed to the signals you sent and now that I've become a little more conscious, I know like I know like I know you answer all my questions and prayers.  Each day you give me a new thing to thank you for. 

A part of your creation,

Shaily!

Sometime, Somewhere, Someday!

Someday, it will just hit you out of nowhere. It will hit you at the back of your mind.  It will  hit  you when you're out there sitting in your car and you think about who you were last week, last month and last year. One fine day, it will hit you that you're no more crying to your pillows at 2am, you're no where you used to be. Now, you're much more strong, a power packed human soul full of experiences. Some fine day, it will hit you, that you're finally living up the dream you once dreamed about because..

Sometimes,

You need to get hurt in order to grow,

We, as per the laws of nature have to loose in order to gain,

Because, sometimes the other side comes up brighter, best through the pain.

Only if others could see what her eyes saw,

Only if others knew that one reason she didn’t want to let it go,

If only others could feel what her heart did,

Only if such understandings were not rare and so no heart would bleed..

But, sometimes,

Leaving is not a choice, but a decision that you have to make,

and most of us do not have the courage to  accept it.

Somethings in life are not just the chapters  of our diary,

But the ink with which all of the content is written. And who will want to let go of that ink with ease?

None of us completely gets over anything,

Its just that, over the time,

We convince ourselves to forget that it ever happened.

All we can hope, all we can dream is to be sometime, somewhere living in the universe where YOU, I and US, all work out! :)

Because.. All's gonna be fine in the end!

Beauty lies in YOUR eyes!

There's much more attached to the word BEAUTY than just the beauty of facial features, a floral dress, or the white toned skin! All you need is to look beyond the definitions given by others, all you need is to make your own criterion  instead of blindly following those set by others!

A girl who can cry her heart out resting herself in her dad's arm, is anything else more beautiful than that?

What is more beautiful than getting to see someone coincidentally at the end of the day that you've been thinking about all day!

A night, out in the balcony with a cup of your favorite drink and those tiny starts and the cool breeze, anything more beautiful than that?

Those comforting hands of your friend when all you want is being left alone, aren't those beautiful?

A mother of two, begging on the signal, with her new born baby in her arms, isn't that kind of love beautiful?

Beauty lies in the eyes, that have just cried,

It lies in those words that  pour out of the heart that's drunk.

It's hidden in the smile that comes on somebody's face as soon as they hear somebody's name.

Two souls holding hands, whats more beautiful than that internal inexpressible feeling? 

Whats more beautiful than those twinkling eyes of mom and dad on seeing their children after a long-long time.

Anything more beautiful than those unconditional blessings poured upon you by your grandparents?

A night where you get to hear stories by your grandparents of their times-decades ago, what else can be more beautiful than that?

A new born baby, clutching your finger tightly as soon as you put it on his palm, isn't that beautiful?

Shout out to those beautiful  forehead kisses that rank no.1  on the romance scale, over and above any other thing!

A few words of appreciation that can lit up anybody's day, what is more beautiful than that smile that remains on somebody's lips because of you!

 Who said beauty lies in the eyes of beer holder,

It lies in all those eyes that knows no limit and no predefined definitions to the word 'Beauty'!

The 2am Diary Of A Dreamer..

I wonder how it is so easy for people to come, stay for a while and leave.

But then, I question myself asking why is it always me who want them to stay and weave!

I want to tell you how happy you once made me,

With those words and that smile that was only for me be!

If not me, I  want someone else to know how magical your smile is,

And, to feel the way I felt when I was all yours, bee!

Thou you really did hurt me, a lot, it was  all that made me strong and made me thrive.

I don’t know if what was between us was  "LOVE" vibe,

But if it wasn’t,

I hope never to fall in love.

Because of you, I know I'm too fragile and emotional to bear it all above!

I want to remind you of how you shared  things with me and with no other soul,

I want to tell you everything you shared,

Everything you entrusted will always be kept a secret in our secrets' bowl.

All between you and me,

And forever it will that same way be..

Finally, I m sorry for unintentionally pushing you farther,

When I only meant to pull you closer.

I want to remind you of days when I was 'HOME' to you,

On your lonely days and nights, full of feelings old and new!

68 Years Of Life..

8th July 2016, a day that left me and my family in deep grief. We lost our most socially active, always smiling and moreover the lifeline of our family. Today its been a month since he left for heavenly abode. Time flows by real fast and quick, but its still unbelievable that he isn't among us, unbelievable that He isn't sitting in his room in his apartment on the 19th floor, still unbelievable that his voice won't be heard upon the calls. 

Death- the ultimate truth that we call it, is truly unbelievable. How, in less than a fraction of a second somebody who was with us before a few minutes is gone, forever to a place where you can never bring them back from, never see them again, never hear them again, never touch them again. So much unrealistic it all sounds but yes this is the ultimate truth. Too painful to accept and too real to avoid.

 

No doubt we are more happy that he's finally over all the pain that he was going through and wherever he is, we pray he's at a better place but the place he held in our lives is irreplaceable. There was no one like him, and there would be no one like him.

He lived a legendary life. He was no ordinary man. An engineer by profession he was. About 40 years ago he was diagnosed with tumor in his body. Doctors after the surgery stated that he won't be able to live for more than 6 months at most, but he proved them wrong and lived for yet another 4 decades.  He managed to survive all major surgeries that even doctors were not very sure about. He was a man of a very strong will and that is what made him survive, actually, not only survive but live a very happy and ideal life. He was and is and will always be everyone's favorite.

For the past few years, he was completely in bed, couldn’t even turn from one side to another on his own. His physical body no doubt always needed support but totally opposite he was on his inside. I've never seen such a mentally strong and stable person.  Despite undergoing such hardships in life, all we could see on his face was a beautiful smile. No matter how much pain he went through, whensoever anybody would ask him, " how are you feeling?", he replied with his smile, " I'm first class and perfectly fine!". the person seeing him could feel what degree of pain he was going through each and everyday but you could never see it on his face. Despite all this, he was happy and content with his life. It was his daily routine to call all  the family members up and talk to them about how his day went and hear how their day was.

He was always worried about my health. Each time we talked, he would always have new diet plans for me about what to include so that I could put on some weight. Today, when I finally have adopted his diet plans  and gained a significant amount of weight, he isn't around. it was him i wanted to share it first with, but i guess I was too late to make a call. I wish I could tell him how fast I'm recovering and I'm sure no other human would be as happy as him on hearing this. Be it my results, my health, me pursuing Ca, he was the most interested person- on what I was doing with my life and the most happy one too on seeing me clear my exams! I know he wanted to see me become a Ca, and I know he's up there guiding me through all that is going to come.

I still remember when I was small, around 5 years old, he would take me around the city and buy me all the stuff I wanted without telling my parents about it so that they don’t yell at me. He would foremost buy me my favorite Pikwiks and choco rolls and tell me to secretly hide it in my bag! I know I was among his favorites and I never managed to tell him but he was, is  and will always be my favorite.

The life that he lived taught me how to be strong in hard times, taught me to smile when you want to cry the most. He taught me what is the power of your own will. He taught me how to be positive. He taught me how to care for others even when its you who needs the care the most.

Lucky we are to have known a personality like him. Blessed we are to have shared a significant portion of our lives with him. He's no less than a legend. He is our hero, a soul that gave us so much to remember, so much to cherish and so much to learn from. Your presence is always within us. He was a perfect father, a perfect son, a perfect husband, a perfect brother and an amazing human and now our guardian angel.

            WE MISS YOU. REST EASY BADEPAPA! 

The Words Unspoken!

Her eyes full of dreams, gazed into the deep dark sky,

There She found YOU as a gift of universe  to her,

The universe had himself gifted a new universe to SHE,

Out of nowhere-from ME and YOU to now "WE".

None of her cells  know how the time changed

in no time,

From a disheartened person-back to how she was,

to make life rhythm and rhyme!

No more worrying of the future she does,

Being happy and content in the present is- perfect and just!

She knows time changes,

And it definitely will some day to come,

But his presence in the present,

Is best out of all of her this year's presents!

His belief in a super practical life,

And her's in a world full of dreams,

This, completes and ties them together,

Like a cup of coffee with cocoa beans and cream!

No matter where they are a few years from now,

The life they're living right-now,

Is amazing enough to look back a few years from now,

And with eyes closed and flashbacks in mind,

Simply cherish the memories 

and to their own selves whisper "WOW"!

No Longer!

I will not wait for you to regret what you did,

Does the setting sun wait for the stars to arrive?

I do not even expect your sorry or any other explanations,

Does water from the tap stop flowing without anybody turning it off?

I no longer wait for you to regret  those endless calls  that you missed,

Does the moon wait for the night to regret its ending?

I no longer wait for you to wish me good or wish me the best,

Does the soldier going to the war awaits best wishes from anybody?

I will not count upon you for my survival anymore,

Does the rains wait for the farmers to cry out loud?

I no longer  trust your words or actions,

Will you trust a snake that’s  full of venom?

I no longer carry any hatred towards you,

Does a tree not bear any flowers again after a storm has passed?

A year ago!

So today it's been an year "16th July 2015-16th July 2016"! Same day last year while I was occupied making plans with my friends to go around the city of Mumbai, I met with an crackup. An accident such that, made me rest in bed for half a year straight. This year, from this date last year to today has been life changing for me. Be it a year of regaining health, preparing myself for all that is to come, a year of my graduation, a year of lot of adios , a year of some freshly formed relationships, a year of mental and physical recovery, and still a lot more to add on!

From such unsparing pain where I couldn’t sleep for 3 days and nights all at once, to eternal support of family and friends that made me stand back on my feet. 

Where, on day one, 

I could consider and foresee nothing but a gloomy future, a downward sloping career, 

today,

I'm on a notch where no negativity can affect me! This year wasn't easy, but undeniably worth experiencing and worth a thousand lessons and morals!

When we are at a stage where we are emotionally collapsed, when we can contemplate no other way things can work out, we have two flip-sides with us. 

One, either we can go deeper into the circle of depression and disconnect ourselves forever, 

second, try and put genuine efforts to get out of all of it. Thankfully I could be among the second one because of my doctors, my family and my friends!

There were months where doctor had put me on heavy medication, so heavy and extreme that were urgently needed to heal my body but my body refused to accept it and I collapsed,  there were days my emotions  couldn’t be handled by myself or anybody else around, but I'm extremely happy to conclude all of this as my past. No more medications to pay heed to, no more pain, no more those sad, gloomy faces and days and most importantly that I'm back on my feet without any major surgery!

I was never a good book reader. I read books as rare as one or two books a year but this period of one year made me a devoted reader. I guess you really don’t have a lot of options to pass your time with when you are bed ridden for 6 months! I read over 15 books, book that filled me with positivity and self realization books! it made me believe that books really are your best friends! It was during this time, when my dad and my best friend forced me into writing blogs, and it was then that I realized how happy, content and relaxed I feel putting my thoughts into words!

I don’t want to remember all of it as something very painful or something that I will never forget as an accident, instead I will always remember this period as a life transforming. A year that made me a better person, a positive thinker, a 'how to always be happy' person, a 'how to be content with whatever you have' person. I'm happy to have overcome all the things so quick and well because of people around and their support. This wasn’t possible without my family and a few best friends that I have being by my side 24*7 , always ready to talk to me, spend time with me, make me understand things, and most importantly teach me to be positive.

All I can think of and conclude my experience as, is that, a positive mind and a little time and space can heal all your wounds, may be not completely but most of it! What once to me seemed next to impossible is today my reality! I couldn’t ask god for anything else. I'm happy and content with my life, with the people that I have in it, with whatever I'm doing today, and am ready to face all that is to come! Cheers to this beautiful gift of God to us, Life! 

The Third Level

It was the first thought that came to her as she woke up. He was gone. And, soon, this bedroom, the house in whose eastern corner it sat, and the tiny garden outside with its gnarled old red hibiscus and the half-grown mango tree they had planted together, all those would be gone as well. It was the strangest feeling ever.She stumbled out of the bed in bustle, running around in the house, as if searching for something, something that has  disappeared, she ran wild across all the rooms, the balcony, the roof,  until she got hit by the wall that reminded her that what she was searching was long lost, was lost in this world full of materialistic humans .

 She opened the entryway of the house, the rays of the sun lightened up the space, but her mind remained glum. She could not take in the desolation that followed after he had departed. His words were banging her ears over and over again, from the love that his lips poured for her to the voice of his laughter that  brightened her day . From his early morning hugs to their late night coffee together. Everything seemed to be in place, those 24 hours, those cups of coffee, those memories, those feelings, what was missing was just one thing, just one, HIM.

He had left her without answers to her questions, in solitary, in this whale size city. Flashbacks of all the promises they made to each other were screening in her mind, wandering around for answers  to those unasked questions, the thought process took her to another level, a level of thought where she herself asked the questions and answered them too. She opened the drawer, dragged a piece of paper and a pen and went on writing carving down all her emotions on a piece of paper..


"You told me I was your lucky charm,
where did that charm disappear all of the sudden?
Did it ever even exist?
I  was the trigger of your heart you always said,
And you shot me with the same trigger in your hand..
You might think you won,
detaching me from your self in search of a better life,
But Have you ever seen a plant bloom and bear flowers for long without its roots and the gardeners care?
The face you changed into,
was as quick as the snake shedding its skin at the end of the season..
I consider myself dead,
because I  cannot deal with these sleepless nights full of your memories  anymore,
Because there are memories I wanted  to cherish all my life with you..
When I thought it wouldn’t work,
You made me believe it would,
And,
When I managed to make myself believe it will work,
You changed your mind!
I have been trying, I have been lying,
I miss you and there's endless crying..
I  have no regrets, infact, I'm  happy that I fought for somebody against all odds,
I know  I failed in reviving the living dead.
But still, I won, because I tried.
I  awaited your arrival from the very time you departed,
 with so many hopes,
It is painful, was and still is,  as the waiting sessions usually are..
But I did..
I wish I  knew you were never going to keep your words,
I  would have not trusted you over and over again..
I  didn’t trust my eyes, but your words..
I  waited long, to be a part of your song,
The same song whose composition you changed.."

 The letter was ready, the envelope was prepared, but she had no address to sent it to, just the name of the person she loved. She went through whatever she wrote for one more time, eyes swelling, tears flowing, a suffocating feeling covering her from all sides, she folded the letter into the envelope again, and slipped it into the drawer.

 "Wake up sweetheart!" a faint manly voice reached her ears. She opened her eyes, it was him, her love. She jumped out of bed, hugged him like never before, weeping as loud and as heavily as she could and whispered in a crying voice," I will never let you go!". "Shh..I am here, with you forever, I am not going anywhere and neither letting you go, relax sweetheart! I think you saw a bad dream", he replied. Holding him even more tight she said," Bad! This was the worst nightmare of my life, I almost died without you". He held her hand, went on his knees and ensured  her," Sweetheart, I promise to stand by you through it all.  I ll make sure our half grown mango tree, grows  with us, together forever. I promise to never let the color of our love fade just like those always deep red hibiscus we planted! You'll never have to spend a single night alone in this bedroom my love! It is you and me both, who have build this up, and we both, together forever with help all this grow. So, my dear lady love, once again would you like to grow old with me?" . She with tears flowing down her cheeks and a smile emerging through the cracks of the lips nodded yes..

'Every meeting is followed by a departure. Some meeting ought to be long enough to cover a lifetime other as short as a couple of seconds of eye contact. Hold on to those you love, hold on to those who love you.Yes there was loss, not one such as visible to others, but loss of those few minutes of happiness, that were covered that nightmare, loss of few minutes into anxiety and suffocation. That nightmare changed her life for better. From that night forth, she lives more happy, loved more deep.'

There's much more to Life!

We often come across people in life whom once we have never known, but then they end up being and occupy an important place in our life! We never know how long they will be in our lives, but for how much ever time they are there, their presence makes us happy, helps us grow, learn and aren't these the only objectives of life too?

Everything that happens here, everyone whom we come across teaches us something, no matter how big or small the lesson is, it’s a lesson after-all!

Finding someone worth a while, worth your efforts is never any sort of game. Not necessarily a lover, but also a best friend, 'partner in crime' as we call it these days.  

Someone who listens and remembers, 

scolds real bad but appreciates harder, 

somebody who wants you to become a better person and it shows in their actions not just words,

somebody who would pick your calls up at three in the morning, pick you up from parties that go little out of hand after one or more drinks,

someone who still opens the car door for you a year or more after winning you over! 

Somebody who loves  your crazy side more than your sincere one. 

Somebody who is not afraid to tell you his secrets no matter how big or small they are!  

Somebody with whom you can talk to about any shit your mind covers from aliens and weed to humans and love! 

There will always be that one person other than your family who will always be by your side, will always be defending you in public BUT getting the hell out of you when its just two of you! They’ll shut people up who think you're too skinny to survive, but force you to eat tons lot than your capacity when no ones around. We think people we have known for longer are more loyal towards us than those whom we've known for less period of time but rare few times this ain't the case.

In today's time things are pretty messed up, isn't it? Like, all of a sudden someone just wakes up and decides to never to talk to you again. 

No reason. No explanation. No words. 

They just leave and make it all look so easy and simple! We keep thinking of how and where things went wrong instead of knowing and telling ourselves that we are valuable, we are needed, we're not a lost cause or a disaster that can't be saved or healed! When will we really stop stressing over someone that wont even text to see if you're alright? 

We all have such breakdowns with people that are too dear to us in our lives. We spend days, months and may be over an year moaning over it, the so called loss that we realize wasn’t even worth so much attention, years later. Obviously the pain remains there forever, but it definitely rests down deep with time, in the core of the heart and mind. Yes relationships matter, people matter, every damn thing in this universe matters but not at the cost of our own health, happiness and mental well being. 

But whats more important after all this is, that, one fine day, we realize and start getting serious about a healthy body, a healthy mind, good grades, saving money, and positive relationships and most importantly being happy! That’s where the freedom lies!!

We As Kids Are The "Real Us"

Account of somebody I know:

" Like everybody, I had dreams too for me, my wife, my kids. I will not say I achieved each of them but I did achieve some I planned and some I never planned, too!  In these 79 years of life, what I have learnt is that my anger never did any good to me,my health or my family. My ego, not talking to somebody for years did no good to me until one day I got the news of somebody I stopped talk to being dead and now my ego stood nowhere to be seen. My greed never let me sleep peacefully until my kids went out to settle down somewhere else and my wife left for heavenly abode and that was when my greed came to rest, it was no use then! I was jealous of my friends having their ambassador cars almost 35 years back until I realized having an ambassador and a luxurious life did not let them live longer than me walking, cycling and lately riding a scooter to work every single day! Having dreams makes life interesting as we have things to look forward to, goals to achieve but we often, let our 'dreams take toll over our lives' rather than 'living' our dreams. Having a dream that makes you happy is worth but having a dream that inculcates in you anger, hatred, ego, frustration, kills the child within you is not worth having! I am happy I have learnt these things in life, I'm not jealous anymore, I try talking to everybody even if they don’t,  things do upset me, but I try controlling my anger, haven't totally won over that yet! Only if I knew all these things a few decades back, life would have been more wonderful and great, but yes, better late than never. I'm trying to be a kid again, a child that knows nothing but love and happiness for all!"

 I guess I have come to this realization a little late, or maybe, too late, but I finally did. Have you ever thought why is it always said that old age is equal to another childhood! Old people are always compared to children. Whoever has lived with a family or in and around a neighborhood that has children and old people sharing the same area will know what am talking about.

When a child is born, all he knows is, to laugh or cry, he doesn't know anger, jealousy, ego, greed or hatred. He just has two reactions to every situation, either crying on seeing someone or on something or laughing and smiling on seeing something or someone. As we grow up, along the way,we catch anger, ego holds us, and greed for something or the other surrounds us. Children are often marked as  GOD!  Like  him,  kids do not know what jealousy is, what hatred and anger is!  All they know is love and happiness!

When we age, slowly and gradually we develop within us these new emotions. When we are kids and we don’t see things that we want coming to us, we become sad but, as we grow up that sadness is replaced by anger and frustration. As kids our greed includes chocolates, our parents loving just us more and more and not other kids, not even our siblings, but growing up we shift our greed in search of things we don’t have even if it means sacrificing what we already have. Ego? Nah! They don’t even know if this word exists! A short, "I don’t want to play with you" for a few minutes have been replaced by hatred, sometime life long hatred!

Then comes the old age, the age where have lived completely, from being kids, to young adults, to responsible family people and to life after retirement. This age, where people are old enough to spend their remaining lives in bed and young enough to play around with their grandchildren. There's no jealously seeing other young people thrive because they've already lived their lives, they want their surroundings to be happy and prospering and most importantly peaceful. They’ve to be taken care of, like a child. The only difference being they depend on their kids like the kids depend on their parents. They've had utmost experience of their lives and so they try concluding their lives being like a child again.

One major difference between kids and old people is that kids behave the way they behave without having any reason to, they're born with those traits and the people who have lived all their lives, the old people adopt these back into their lives because they've experience life, because now they know hatred, ego, anger, jealousy will never lead them anywhere. We as kids are the real us. 

Armed Forces: Our Life-Lines

Saw a documentary today that showed what lives of soldiers is like on the Siachen glacier. I have always been hearing of the army at the Siachen glacier. The temperature, the extreme living conditions, the atmosphere, the snow, but never did I feel what I actually felt today after watching the documentary. Sitting far away from the borders inside our small houses, sleeping peacefully, enjoy, partying and foremost getting time to spend with our loved ones, never can we actually feel how people far away at the borders, out in the oceans, up in the air in the air-force planes, on those uneven cross country borders or on the -50 degree Celsius  Siachen glacier live like.

 Endangering our own lives for others, for those whom we don’t even know is the most selfless deed that not everybody can do. In a world where today, everybody works for their own benefit, their own purpose, people don’t even have enough time for their own families, finding people who take care of families of whole country, who probably doesn't even know any one of them is always worth thanking for.

Army troops that go to Siachen spend 3 months on the glacier with no hot food served, no contact with families, seeing nothing else but snow all around and a few others of their troop members. When they go up there they're fit and fine, but when they return, their health deteriorates, weight loss, skin color darkens, bodies are tired, these are the people who affect their selves for people like us, but do we even bother? Do we even take a single minute to thank them, to let them know what they mean to us, to this country, to this land!

When a child dies falling into a bore-well, the central government, the state government declare help money for them in lacs, but does that happen when a soldier dies? Their families are left vulnerable. We win a cricket match, match fees given are in lacs and crores, and what about those who won our country, who let us all sleep peacefully every-night? About them, who don’t think about their own parents but also for every parents that our country has, not about their own brothers or sisters but for every boy and the girl that resides here!

I bet, thousands of us have the same questions, same solutions, but we have failed to make a change. We are busy fighting for women to get permission to enter the mosques, fighting over the degrees of our VIPs, and all such less important issues. We often keep our thoughts, our questions and our answers to ourselves thinking sharing it would mean making fun of ourselves or thinking as if one person will not be able to make any change. But, if we all stand together for our own people in the army wouldn’t it lead to a change, may be not too big, but at least a little bit, because something is always better than nothing!

Two Decades Of Life And Counting (3/3)

Class 10 at 15 called for a personal mobile phone,

Messaging packs with 3k messages a month were newly shown!

Waiting for a reply for several minutes and sometime even hours,

Board exams came and went by quick,

Someone old, yet very new was introduced in her life's leaflet!

A new bond she began to share,

That included love, best-friendship, possessiveness and care!

Began with departure of best-friend to another school,

Sad, unhappy, she felt alone,

But the bond they shared was much more stronger it seemed,

When her best friend came back to the same old school and together they wept!

Sweet 16 birthday bash was celebrated in the United States,

Far away from home as a junior in high school with new mates!

Skyping with family and best friend became a routine,

International calling was done as if local  town calling!

Homecoming after half a year was a grand affair,

Thousands of new things to talk upon and share,

Family's love, mom made food and best-friends reunited

Year 17 and class 12 were spent in bliss with the people she loved!

A one week tour for full class was arranged,

This last year of being together was captured in clicks!

Mixed emotions of leaving those,

With whom you’ve spend major time of life,

But a forever promise to keep all the promises made ,

Straight from the heart everybody with tears laid!

Birthday 18th had put a beautiful necklace around,

Far flung from another country to a small town.

Moving out for studies, and life of hostel were not that easy,

Getting a girl as best companion made her journey cozy.

Unlimited fun, regular studies and day out with friends ,

Major missing of best friend made her busy on calls and whatsapp trends.

The new city welcomed her with two road accidents,

Which again put her and two friends on bed with broken legs and bands.

Year 19 had a complete different story to tell,

Several years long Relationship fell apart,

Career paced up real slow,

This  all was something less I guess,

Another accident, collapsed her in bed for half a year, indeed a bad one thou!

She cried, she fell apart, went into depression,

Those she needed forever the most,

No longer were there to even ask how she is ,

In her highs or lows!

But God does it all,

He has sent some amazing ones  to her life this time,

Without whose support it wasn’t possible for her to live or survive.

Her parents' support helped her regain her willpower,

To stand once again, to dream once again and try to fall again never!

Year 20th of life, twenty-sixteen,

was the beginning of a new decade of her life,

with memories to cherish,

with wounds to heal,

with dreams to pursue,

with goals to achieve!

To all that has already been,

To all that will ever be,

She will stand up and fight back,

Because,

God is always there to show you the way when you fall!

Two Decades Of Life And Counting (2/3)

Class 2 at 7 has jumped in,

Teachers playing tricks with the kids,

Those who score full on test,

will be given chocolates,

The biggest of the gift that time it seemed!

8th birthday was also approaching,

Class 3 was awaited with lot of excitement,

An unexpected burn injury followed,

Keeping her in  bed for 3 months .

No school, only the room became her world,

Teachers, relatives and friends coming to cheer her up!

The recovery took a lot of time,

And here came her birthday 9th!

Class 4, new friends, allotment of houses,

Evening slot fixed for the games and Tv noises!

Class five at 10 saw making of friends group in class,

Those silly fights of not talking to anybody in the other group, alas!

Like,

You're not my friend if you talk to her,

You  go in that group if them you want to cheer!

Making best friends was a new concept,

Fights all over about whom to as a BFF accept!

11th Birthday celebrations at home were all going high,

After-all, she was entering a new decade of her life.

Fussing to mom and dad about all her silly demands,

From barbie dolls to those  99 in 1 video games!

In less then a year, the group of friends changed,

From fighting for a seat to pranking with the skirts , it ranged!

Birthday 12th here it was,

Class 7 science began making more sense,

Basketball  and football were the new craze,

Demanding the same at home,

to be bought , played and chased!

First away from home trip approached,

With all excitement bags were packed

and parents to say yes, were forced.

Cried all night when the day to leave for the 5 days trip arrived,

Kid still she was, after-all,

going way from parents  for the first time in life!

Chess and scribble starting making sense in the 13th year of life,

Class 8 was a year of several new friendships for her that would thrive!

Boyfriend and girlfriend were heard of, for the first time ever,

Afraid of all this, she broke up with two of her friends forever.

This forever thou, didn’t last very long,

And they all reunited like the words of a song.

At 14, her studies became a  matter of concern,

From regular home exams to new CCE pattern.

That was a year of class 9 when NOTES came into being,

Studying online and sharing important questions it bring!

New friendships followed through sharing of mere notes,

Whether through landlines, new emerging Facebook,

 or any other modes!